October

This month a series of small and big things  has happened that has really been a wake up call for me. 

First, i was driving home from taking the kids to school and I was just thinking about how I didn't want to run on the treadmill when I passed a man who had one leg and was cycling.  I couldn't believe I had been procrastinating about running for months and I should be using the legs I have every day!  So, I started running again.  Running makes me feel better, helps with my stress and really helps with my weight so I need to keep running!    I'll get off of running but I always think about an interview I read with Will Smith about how running is so much more than just running.  I'll try to find it and post it.

This past weekend some things I read about really effected me. 

My friend Natalie posted about the 2 year anniversary of her sister's death.  It made me really start thinking about my own sister and my immediate family.  When I think about it, honestly, I feel really vulnerable.  I would be devastated with out any one of them. 

Then, a girl I went to high school with (who is already battling Stage 3 Colon cancer and has 4 kids) lost her mom in a motorcycle accident!  I can't get over how awful a year she has had and I know the strength keeping her with us is for her children...I just can't imagine dealing with any of what she is dealing with. 

Then, Robert's step grandpa passed away this weekend.  And, I LOVE Robert's step mom and spent a lot of time thinking about how she must feel to lose a parent.  I'm definitely not ready to lose either one of mine.  As I've grown older, they really mean the world to me and maybe I don't tell them enough.  All the things that used to annoy me or bug me about my mom, is now what I love most about her because that is what makes her who she is.  It scares me (terrifies me actually) when I think about how my dad is probably standing in the backyard smoking right now as I type. 

The scariest part is the realization that most likely they will be dying before me.  With that passing of my Aunt, and seeing the impact it has had on my cousin, it just makes me even more sad.

In my speech class on Saturday, a girl walked up and spoke about the benefits of being a Foster mom.  She was an abused Foster child and her story will stick in my head most likely forever.  I was so lucky and my children are so lucky to grow up in a safe environment, things I took for granted every day!

Three out of my four kids are home sick today and I was up all night with Charlotte.  She has that horrible barking cough, temperature and runny nose.  She was only comfortable sleeping if I held her to my chest and walked around with her so my left arm feels like it's sprained!  I also ended up sleeping half the night on her floor because I didn't want her to keep waking up Robert.  I'm sure i'm going to get sick next.

I'm sure this post seems really down and depressing but all that has happened this month and my sickies today at home, just have made me really appreciate life even more.  And, as I laid on Charlotte's floor in a sleeping bag (completely sleep deprived), I listened to every breath she took...and was thankful!